We don't just make movies you know. When the various friends, relatives, and well-meaning charitable organizations we swipe film equipment from are unavailable, we're forced to put our clumsy creative ramblings in crude "word" form and post them here. Bad for us. Good for you! Because these bad boys are free juicy slices of Lazy Bear goodness. Eww! Now read!

To Whom it May Concern
An excellent template for anyone wishing to gracefully depart from their current romantic entanglement.

Logan and Ryan: Flaming Homosexuals or Skanky Sluts?
Guest Lazytorialist Wanda Cumgetsome, Lazy Bear's resident lady of the evening, gets to the bottom of of the issue that's been plaguing our inbox forever. If you still suspect that we're gay, this will change your mind. Possibly. We haven't read it.

Nathaniel Hawthorne’s "My Kinsman, Major Molineux" (abridged)
A Pythonesque yarn of delightful absurdity involving puppies or some such nonsense.

Burnin’ Down Da House: My Week with the Lazy Bear
Lazy Bear secretary J'onn McAllegory exposes the seedy underbelly of Lazy Bear Productions and his involvement in the biggest scandal of the company's history. In Part One, J'onn gets hired and meets the boys, but will he succumb to the temptation to use plagiarism to get ahead? Yes. In Part Two, J'onn's web of lies gets out of control. Can he kick his drug habit and fess up to his past discretions before he loses Logan and Ryan's respect forever? Nope.

How to Get Screwed
Ryan gives up-and-coming artists advice on how to maintain control over their creative property while recounting the harrowing tale of our infamous online hiatus and the resulting costly server change.

Dinner Date
A Short Story in which Dr. Pangloss, Martin, Emily Dickinson, Freud, and Mrs. Elton discuss Bush’s Surprise Visit to Iraq on Thanksgiving. ...Wait, what? Looks like you'll have to have opened a book to understand this one.

The Top Ten Reasons Why You SHOULD NOT Let Logan Date Your Daughter
A public service to fathers everywhere, provided by the subject himself.

Brandoed for Life
Ryan reveals the shocking script Marlon Brando has penned for his own funeral. If his mourners give it the same respect he typically gives scripts, they won't read it.

The Real Lazy Bear Productions
Tennessean journalist Tom McCartney came to interview the Lazy Bear crew. He won't make that mistake again.

Logan Goes to Hell or Logan’s (Disco) Inferno
Logan recounts his harrowing adventure down to Comedic Hell! Translated from the original Loganese and adapted for modern readers by Dr. R. J. Funkmaier, Professor of Logans at Columbia University.

Superhero-Chic
Ryan takes a look at some less than promising upcoming comic book movie projects.

Dr. Logan Steps Out
A Memoir on the Life and Times of Dr. Logan Love
Logan relates his rise to fame in this touching journey through the making of Blender Agenda.

The REAL Real Ghostbusters
Trivial History from the Files of A Cartoon Junkie
Ryan settles the ambiguity surrounding the two rival Ghostbusters cartoons of the 1980's.

Logan Reviews His Ex-Girlfriend or Logan Reviews Love in General
The man who portrays the doctor of loooooove gives his take on the elusive beast that is romance.

Logan's Birthday Party Review or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Transvestites
For those of you who couldn't make it to Logan's historic 19th birthday party, Ryan details the trek to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.